| If... |
[Jul. 3rd, 2006|09:19 am] |
Topic #133 (6/30/06): If...
If only I could manage to avoid thinking about the past, I would already be a long way toward achieving a little bit of peace of mind. That sounds all very lofty and like I do a lot of deep introspection, doesn’t it? I don’t. Not that I couldn’t – in addition to being very attractive, I’m also very intelligent and have a mind as keen as my fashion sense. I simply think that too much navel-gazing is seldom a helpful trait to have.
If you’re in battle, for example, it’s imperative to go with your instincts. If you’ve been scorned, it’s always better to act first and think later. Far too many former clients of mine chickened out at the last minute because they thought about the target’s “feelings” too damn much. “Empathy” is just another word for being a freakin’ wimp, and I have little patience for such people.
So, no, I don’t think about things more than I need to. I think about matters to a wholly appropriate degree – neither too much nor too little – and move on.
Except... when I can’t.
When, even three years later, I can’t shake the nightmares about the injuries I suffered to both body and soul... when I wake up in a cold sweat (when I can even sleep at all)... when I wish for nothing more than a certain strong and manly shoulder to cry on... that’s when I start feeling like all my progress, all my perseverance and survival instincts and clear, logical thinking are a bunch of malarkey. Maybe D’Hoffryn was wrong about me; maybe he just recruited one helluva wimpy, whiny girl who was never equipped to be a demon in the truest senses of the word. How could I ever have had the spine and nerves of steel necessary to kick ass and take names if I’m forever doomed to be stuck in a vicious circle of maudlin, sentimental b.s. that haunts me near-constantly?
When I get in this mood, falling victim to my own “no navel-gazing” rule, I immediately cure what ails me with a healthy combination of overpriced steak, Cosmopolitans heavy on the vodka and triple sec and light on the cranberry juice, and several hours spent watching TiVo-ed episodes of “Mad Money” saved up for just such emergencies.
Character: Anya Jenkins
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Word Count: 384 |
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| Describe a chance encounter that changed your life. |
[May. 22nd, 2006|03:05 pm] |
Topic #127 (5/19/06): Describe a chance encounter that changed your life.
I don't think encounters happen by chance. There is some small logical way the universe determines how to screw you over, and meeting others is one of the most efficient ways possible. How else could I explain why I met anyone who changed my life? D'Hoffryn was quite possibly the single most influential individual to my existence, and that sure as hell was no accident, believe you me!
Maybe it was an accident that I was assigned to Cordelia Chase lo those many years ago at the lackluster bastion of academia that was Sunnydale High (the original, not the even more stultefying post-explosion sequel), thereby leading me to meet the love of my life and his annoying little friends. I tend to think my former employer/mentor/Svengali knew exactly what he was doing putting me on that case.
There are no accidents. Which means that there's probably some grander purpose to be found in my getting nearly eviscerated by those ugly little troll vampires, but I have yet to see the greater purpose to that brilliant cosmic plan.
Character: Anya Jenkins
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Word Count: 177 |
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| Who was "the one that got away"? |
[May. 5th, 2006|10:15 am] |
Topic #125 (5/5/06): Who was "the one that got away"?
There's one Mr. Alexander LaVelle Harris who probably thinks of himself as my one and only shot at true love, hearts and flowers, and all that horribly sappy pablum spoonfed to the fairer sex by homemaking magazines of the 1950s. The truth of the matter is that I have done very well standing on my own two feet, thank you very much, and I don't give a rat's ass that our giant fluffy Martha Stewart-ian wedding didn't so much end in a marriage as a melée.
I mean, really now: look at everything I accomplished post-breakup! There was the return to my vengeance demon fold... though I suppose that did indirectly result in my best friend getting incinerated before my very eyes... Hmm... running the Magic Box by myself, though that of course was reduced to a rubbly heap of nothingness not long afterward... er... do rebound sex with a vampire and getting myself run through several times with giant swords count as accomplishments?
Okay, fine. Everything has pretty much sucked the big one since Xander decided to cut and run, but I'll be the first to admit he mellowed out quite a lot, particularly after getting his eye poked out. I suppose that sort of thing changes a man, and breakup sex can be awfully satisfying.
As the man in question probably thinks I'm still dead (and don't think I didn't know he left me bleeding next to the track team trophy case as Sunnydale High collapsed around my ears!), any nostalgia on my part is moot, pointless, and shall never come to fruition. The fact that I haven't been terribly interested in looking for a replacement lover should in no way be interpreted as a failure on my part to get over Xander.
Still, sometimes I wonder what would've happened had he been a little older, a little more settled in his own skin... might that have made all the difference? If I found him again today, would he be more ready at twenty-five for the type of life committment he wasn't prepared for at twenty-one? Would I take him back? In the end, were we moving toward that direction anyway?
God, I hate this sensitive, sentimental, maudlin crap. I'm perfectly happy these days. I own several houseplants, and just the other day acquired a very attractive pair of Kenneth Cole slingbacks. Life is quite satisfying, even without a one-eyed carpenter to provide any sort of warmth and comfort.
Character: Anya Jenkins
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Word Count: 411 |
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| Perception: Generally speaking, how do you think others perceive you? |
[Apr. 28th, 2006|02:19 pm] |
Topic #123 (4/21/06): Perception: Generally speaking, how do you think others perceive you?
Personality-wise, I think I come across as a thoroughly likable girl who is a joy to be around. True, cheating husbands whose entrails I ripped from their bodies didn’t always think so, but I’ve never been one to try to impress subhuman vermin. God knows Xander complained a time or two about various “attitude problems,” and there were a few pesky attempts on my life, but overall, no one has ever lodged a true complaint with my overall demeanor.
And why should they? If I met me, I’d be completely smitten. “Now there goes a woman who speaks her mind!” I would say to myself. “Damn straight!” I would reply right back. And then perhaps I would take myself out to lunch or to the mall, because it would be quite fun to hang out with someone else who could try on clothes for me while I sipped a cappuccino outside the dressing room of various stylish-but-unfussy reasonably-priced boutiques.
I think somewhere along the way, my often-irksome ex-fiancé got it into his head that my outlook on life had something to do with a failure to associate with non-demons for too many years. In point of fact, I was fond of frankness long before ever ascending to a level beyond humanity. Yes, my young maiden self was a bit on the naïve side, but I never failed to speak my mind. If I found the knäckebröd my mother served at breakfast to be far too knäcke-y, I said so. I don’t understand why a little tactful honesty should ever piss someone off. If something is true and warrants saying, why not say it?
As far as the rest of me goes, personality aside, I think the sheer number of both straight and gay men who’ve taken the time to remark on my peerless good looks speaks for itself.
Character: Anya Jenkins
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Word Count: 306 |
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| Application: What was/is your childhood ambition? |
[Apr. 28th, 2006|10:27 am] |
Application for ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) theatrical_muse
Muse Requested: Anya Jenkins
Email Address: jenkins_anya @ livejournal.com
Fandom of Muse: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Other Muses You Already Have in Theatrical Muse (muse name, fandom, and journal name). If none, say N/A: N/A
Whether the muse is canon or an original character: Canon
Include a response to the most current TM ficlette challenge for your proposed muse. The response must be at least 150 words.
Topic #124 (4/28/06): What was/is your childhood ambition?
Childhood ambition? Give me a freakin’ break.
Now, in no way to I want to resemble one of those unattractive old men who tosses out phrases like, “Back in my day, I walked two miles uphill in the snow to school without shoes!” but really, the era of my actual human childhood was hardly a time when female children were raised to have any ambition whatsoever. Oh, sure, there was the usual “find a large and robust mate and have lots of babies come forth from your womb” common to most of the girls in my village, but that was never enough to content me all the time. Without the knowledge of options, however, I never fully pursued anything else. It was only when D’Hoffryn took me under his wing (and I was hardly a child by that point) that I learned as a demon the true meaning of ambition.
Before that... well, I suppose there was the rabbit breeding scheme, but... the less said about that, the better.
Character: Anya Jenkins
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Word Count: 169 |
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